"Tastes good?"
From the hot cup of americano, Krist raised his gaze to Jade, a barista he has gotten close with for the past year or so.
"How about a bagel?"
He feigned a smile. "Coffee's fine." He could not taste it anyway. "Done for the day?"
"Hmm. I'm actually wondering if you're free as well. There's this mov-"
"Hi! I've been looking all over for you, Krist!" Wayo who appeared out of nowhere placed a medium sized paper bag on his table. "A friend brought a lot of pink milk bottles and I'm more than sure you're the right person to share them!"
The younger male's eyes glimmered in enthusiasm.
Krist checked the premium bottles inside that bag and at the familiar label, his heart clenched. It has been three years since he last saw the shadow of the said brand.
Nor has he tasted pink milk for the past years.
"I don't drink pink milk." He can feel his chest twist with every word his mouth squeezed out.
Confusion was written all over Wayo's face as he looked at Krist. "I was more than certain you like nom yen too."
The sad tone in his voice merged with Krist's nostalgic feel but he still chose to decline the gift.
Pink milk along with many others were all in the past.
"Krist doesn't drink anything sweet." As the barista who prepares her crush's Americano, Jade is more than certain of Krist's tastes.
"Oh."
"I can keep the bottles if you want. These are quite expensive." The barista offered.
Sadly, Bas nodded his head. Krist noticed that the younger male was about to say something but he beat him to it by excusing himself.
It's best to leave Jade who's deadset in asking him out and the other male who evidently wants to get close to him.
It may seem like he's running away. Heck, he is running away. From Jade, a possible future girlfriend. From Wayo, a nice young man who wanted to be his friend. From Singto, the shadow of his past.
From himself. Because he can't move on.
Why the hell can't I just move on?!
When he walked out on Singto a couple of nights ago, he made sure that they'd never cross paths until he got an answer. The right answer this time.
Today's the fourth day he had successfully made himself elusive from Singto's eyes and he needed more time to think, to decide.
I need a leave. A sick leave.
Rome forced his face muscles to remain stoic as Wayo continued to ask questions about Krist and his whereabouts. He wanted to frown at the younger male but he held himself back.
Krist was right. There's something wrong with Singto's and Wayo's relationship.
"I thought Krist likes pink milk but he declined the bottles I gave him."
"He used to be a pink milk monster but not anymore." Knot laughed. "Maybe the sugar rush became too much and his tastebuds could not take it anymore."
Wrong. Drinking pink milk makes him remember Singto.
"I heard he likes strawberries too but when I shared a whole cake, he declined. He also stopped eating strawberries?"
This time, it was Tutah who jumped in. "There's a story about his sudden dislike for strawberries. That friend of ours used to like sweets. Nom yen, cakes, muffins, macaroons-everything sweet you can think of. But one day, his hubby broke up with him and he stopped eating sweets. Even I was astonished when I saw him drink Americano which is so not him."
"Hubby? He used to have a husband?"
Guess who.
"Before Rome and I met, Krist was planning to introduce his ex to us. He was the first one who came out to us. It was totally unexpected since he was straight despite his pretty face. I can still remember how fun it was to tease him until his entire face turned red." Bright laughed as if he remembered something very amusing and the others joined in. "I even called myself as his 'daddy' while Knot as his 'first love'. That fatty, he became Krist's 'baby' and Prem his-"
"The one." Both tall men gave each other a high-five.
"It was very crazy. We teased him every day that he was replacing us with a small-dicked rich man. Some jokes were even below the belt but he never called us out. That friend of ours was so happy he did not care about anything else. You could see hearts in the background when he walks by." Bright continued.
"He used to be very shy but he wasn't as stoic as he is now," Prem added. "I still think it was the breakup that made him like this."
"You know that's not true." Knot disagreed.
"I say it is. His mother's death was just a cherry on top."
"I think we should stop talking about Krist's life." He finally interjected.
Knot agreed right away but Tutah had to open his mouth and say something which continued the heart-pounding conversation.
"After living a princess-like life, he went back to being his older brother's bank account, younger sister's bodyguard, and stepfather's watcher. It's like he's Cinderella but the ball happened first before his life in cinders."
"He's being maltreated?" Wayo gasped.
Rome tried to laugh it off.
This is going out of hand!
"Tutah was just exaggerating. He's not doing household chores li-"
"Oh please! We both know he's doing 'chores' he's not supposed to do after auntie died. Who'd willingly pay their older brother's loans because of a wife who couldn't budget a single paycheck? Aside from paying loans, he also puts aside an allowance for his older brother's transportation. Transportation! And don't let me start with his sister and her 'phase'. I swear, if it weren't for Knot and Krist, she was long dead floating on some river."
Knot smacked their extra-sized friend. "She was not that bad."
"She almost burned down their house for Pete's sake! If that wasn't bad enough, she also brought a gang leader and introduced him as her lover."
"She was scaring their hooligan of a stepfather, Prem."
"Stop defending her, Knot. She's a proble-"
"Stop talking about Krist's life like it's a nightmare, okay!" Rome yelled.
Everyone at the pantry became silent at his sudden outburst.
"His life might be messier than ours but we shouldn't discuss it behind his back. We'll have this talk when he gets back after his leave. I gave him a vacation."
"WHAT?!"
The sudden realization of blurting out something he shouldn't have paused Rome. Before, "He said he needs a vacation leave, I gave it to him. He should be on his way. Don't ask where because I also don't know."
"What the heck, Rome?!" Bright exclaimed in total disbelief.
Bright's husband, Rome, approved his leave. An undetermined leave.
That was six days ago. Tomorrow's the eighth day and this would be the 5th room he has rented during his directionless escapade. To be more precise, he had been riding various busses and trains to towns and cities he has never been to.
The risk of Singto running after him should be negated this way.
Without taking many things off his huge backpack, he picked a shirt and a boxer. He needs to leave tomorrow morning if he wants to catch the first train ride to City H.
There was no air condition in the rundown room he rented but the cool night air was enough for him. Outside his window, the full moon shined down as if taunting him to recall beautiful memories.
Memories that should be buried deep in the recesses of his mind.
Was it too much for him to forget his past with Singto? They were beautiful, true. But that's where the problem lies. His time with Singto were too good for him to forget.
It was only more than a month that they lived together in that house but he'd be more than willing to exchange this lifetime to go back to his time with Singto. That one month was more than enough for him.
Fear and sadness enveloped him. The past few days had been tiresomely filled with unstoppable tears and unpleasant thoughts. If he could turn back time, he'd force himself not to make the same decisions. Maybe, everything could be changed due to the butterfly effect. Maybe his mother would not meet his stepmonster, his brother would stop asking him for financial assistance, his sister would not become rebellious until their mother passed away. . . maybe he would not feel this hopeless.
The most important question though is why did he fall in love with Singto? Beautiful love stories don't start in sexual favors. Who would read such crap? And yet, his did.
This one did.
And look where that got me. Broken-hearted and unable to move on.
Krist doesn't even know when he started loving Singto. For quite some time, he even questioned if he is in love with the other man or simply with love itself.
If he's really in love, shouldn't he feel fantastic? All the protagonists in the books Rome lent him were very happy when they fell in love. Not like him. Not like his chest being squeezed by a gigantic hand every second he thinks about Singto.
Why does it hurt?
Where are the butterflies, the giddiness? Where is the happily ever after?
He doesn't know.
Until now, he doesn't have an answer.
What he's more than sure of is that there's no continuation to whatever he used to have with Singto. Three years.
It has been three years.
Why is the pain still with him?
If this is what love is, can he fall out of love now?
He is emotionally drained. He feels like he's in between a rock and a hard place with nowhere to go and no way to choose.
The company needs Singto's cooperation while the man himself wants Krist- rather his body. It was like the past has emerged itself once again and fear gripped him.
He doesn't want to make the same mistakes again.
Not again.
He felt his entire body weakening. His choices are laid out on the table for him to pick from. The decision was his to make but he doesn't have the strength nor the courage to actually pick.
Krist is scared. Is it wrong for him to actually admit that he can't make a decision in fear that his actions would come back and bite him again? He's got more to lose this time than he did before- the company, his friends. . . himself.
He doesn't know what to do.
And yet, for once, he doesn't want to ride along as Singto rows the boat towards a destination he knows for certain would lead him nowhere.
Still, he doesn't know what exactly he should do. Drop the older male like a hot potato and they'd lose his investment. Ride along and he'd lose the remaining shreds of himself he still has.
Not knowing what else to do, Krist's did the only thing he could.
Cry.
Why can't he do anything but weep?
Can he just go back to that one month with Singto? Why can't he just be with Singto without all this shit?
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